Dear Abney,
I love the idea of having a doula at my birth, but my husband isn’t on board. How do I explain to him that you won’t be taking his place? Several years ago I made a handy infographic on this very topic. You can see it below. This is a topic that comes up fairly often, and not just in reference to dads, even though that’s how I originally made the infographic. Partners, moms, sisters, best friends. They all want to know if a doula is going to replace the need for them in the birthing room (if they have been requested to be present). While common, I do want to clear up that misconception. A doula does not take the place of anyone! Not the father, the partner, the sister, the nurse or the care provider. Every one of the people there has a part to play. The doula is an additional support. If this infographic doesn't help, point him to families who have previously used a doula. Ask your friends to advocate for you! I've heard from several clients whose partners were hesitant to hire a doula, only to rave about having said doula after the birth. Find someone your husband personally knows to help paint a better picture of what a doula does. Help a sister out! Let me know in the comments how your doula helped, not replaced, your partner (or you if you’re the partner) during birth!
3 Comments
Emily
1/20/2018 06:30:01 am
Doulas are amazing! I am so thankful for what you guys can do to help during the births process. I hired a doula for my most recent birth and she was able to show my husband what to do to help me through each contraction. It made it such an intimate experience. My husband would be behind me applying counter pressure and my doula would be in front reminding me to relax and take each contraction one at a time. Amazing support! I would never have another child with my doula and my husband would agree!
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Erin
1/20/2018 08:05:25 am
"It's like an extra set of hands to do things, get things, even has the knowledge of what he can do to help. A cooler, saner head who isn't as caught up in the excitement of it. They have the knowledge and tools to help things go smoother. It was nice to have help and not feel like I had to do everything myself." We've had two babies, both with doulas. After our first, one of the first things we both said was "if we ever do this again, we are totally getting a doula again."
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Kaelie
1/20/2018 07:14:50 pm
My husband was iffy about hiring a doula when I first brought it up. He kept saying I had him and he could do everything a doula would do. Once we met with Tracy and started birth class, he realized how much happens with birth and that a doula could give him breaks and help so that everything wasn’t just on him. On the day I went into labor, my husband hurt his back and could barely move. Tracy was a life saver. After all of this my husband is so happy we hired her and said if we ever decide to have another baby there is no way we will do it without a doula.
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Tracy AbneyTracy Abney is a certified and insured birth and bereavement doula serving Huntsville, Madison and other parts of north Alabama. Archives
April 2019
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